Day 4: "Love-Hate" Valentine Thoughts

It's early morning as I awake on the 4th day of my quest. I am grateful for yet another day with breath and health.  I motion through the usual morning rituals and make it out the door on time to head off to work.  My eyes capture the darkness as it fades, inviting the dawn to greet the world as it departs. I can hear the cold wind whistling by as I run to my car wishing I had grabbed my gloves and hat!  I settle into my car thanking the heavens above not only for having a car, but for having one with a working heater.  On the drive to work I contemplated on what to explore on this 4th day of quest: "What a Wonderful World it is!"

Well, "It's Valentine's Day" I thought to myself.  However, at this point in my life I felt no connection to a day I've grown to know as associated with a superficial cliché.  So, I quickly dismissed the idea.  I reminded myself this quest is all about conscious awareness of ones' own truth and I found myself back pondering upon Valentine's Day and what it has meant to me all these years.  Suddenly to my surprise, an uncomfortable feeling gradually seeped in and I realized I had no personal spoken or unspoken thoughts about Valentine's Day...a day that for many represents a celebration of Love.  But you see life has its own way of unfolding. And when you choose to live it consciously in search of your authentic self, it will reveal the truth...your truth!

So I made it up the elevator to the third floor and unlocked the door with the electronic key provided to all who work at the central business office of one of the most highly respected and well known Hospitals in Kansas.  I swipe the employee ID card and it clocks me in at 5:50 a.m.  As usual I am one of the first few to arrive, if not the first, and I make my way through the maze of cubicles to find my own.  I begin my work as I do on any other ordinary day.  Soon, the usual pitter patter of foot steps and muffled voices fill the air in Suite 300.  I am signaled by a co-worker who wants to talk.  So, I stroll over and stand vigilantly as she expresses herself to me in need of a friend.  Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw a "temp" leaving my cubicle.  As she goes into the cubicle next to mine, she catches my glance and waves a Valentine's Day candy bag followed by a big friendly smile to let me know there was one for me when I return to my desk.  I remember thinking what a sweet gesture. As soon as I settled into my comfy desk chair, another co-worker who is a young mother of three, shows me what looks like an aluminum-like water bottle.  She has a big smile on her face as she proudly shares that her children surprised her this morning with this Valentines gift. It was very special to her because they each personalized it with their own scribbles like "Happy Valentines Day", "I love you mom" and the littlest one who is 5 and learning Spanish in school, wrote "Loca mom" which just so happens to mean "crazy" in Spanish.  We giggled together as a warm sensation caressed my heart.  I thought of my 3 daughters and how time really flies.  She went on to say how she and her husband really don't make a big deal about Valentine's Day between them.  They make it a family event with the children and for dinner they bake cookies.  I took these gestures as signs and ran with it.  I asked a selected few to write down what Valentine's Day means to them at this point in their lives.  I gave them each a piece of paper and requested only that they express their truth.  I was impressed on their willingness to do so.  I was amazed at how different Valentine's Day is perceived.  Here are are the scribed Valentine Notes:

"Valentine's Day for me is about showing everyone in your life that you love and care for them. May it be your great-grandma or your daughter.  With the hectic schedules of our everyday lives, it is easier to take those closest to you for granted. Today is a day to show them just how much you appreciate the. -Crystal Campbell

Valentine's Day to me is a day to show those we care about a little extra attention. It's not about gifts, flowers, candy or making stores rich. It's about reminding people they are important & thought of often & loved very much. Sometimes life gets busy & we forget to tell people how we feel, today is a good day to scream & shout I LUV U, I NEED U I'M GLAD UR IN MY LIFE THANK YOU FOR BEING U!
                                                                                                                                   -Denise Beck 


My Valentine Thoughts: I'm not much of a 'romantic' but I do like the idea of Valentine's Day.  I like to keep it a simple celebration; a small card, maybe a few flowers. Now occasionally, every few years, we'll fancy night out - romantic (expensive) dinner. Get all dressed up maybe the big floral arrangement. But, that's not every year. Much like an anniversary, maybe. I do think that there is a negative connotation to the day. A 'forced' celebration, maybe, if you will. A feeling you have to (or should) spend lots of money for that special someone. And of course, if one is not in a relation-ship, it can add to any feelings of loneliness, etc. But, all in all, if one keeps the day in perspective, I do like the idea of Valentine's Day. But, I also believe everyday can or should be special for all your loved ones. - Thomas Schultz


Valentine's Day for to me means still being in love with the man I met 40 years ago; still having admiration for all the qualities that made me fall in love with him; still wanting to spend time together. Valentine's Day makes me reflect on the "unspoken" moments - a glance, a smile, a laugh, a tear. The first card he ever gave me - it said "If ever two were one, then surely we". - Grandma Gina


What does Valentine's Day mean to me? At this stage in my life Valentine's Day has very little significance. I say that not because I have no one to share it with but because I have learned showing love continuously and not on one particular day means much more. For it is the little things, that matter, no the one special gift on Feb 14th that you hope is right. The anxiety, nervousness and disappointment that oftentimes accompany you when thinking of what to get. Will they like it? What if they don't, then what? The anticipated moment arrives and you see the look upon their face. Is it what you expected? Or are you disappointed? In order to love someone else you must first have been shown love. And you must love yourself. For how can you give of yourself freely and willingly without first loving you.  Yes, I know society dictates that we do something special for the one that we love on Valentine's Day. But, if we show how much we love our significant other by doing the little things throughout the year, Valentine's Day may not matter as much. The one that you love will already know how you feel..Because of the little things.
-Joe Crowell

Love is a truth in the heart of almighty God. Day by day we are to walk in His love & presence. Because of His great love for mankind we can love, care & help others. To love my husband is a part of Jesus Christ's love. To love in all trials & problems and in the good times. It's good to remember on Valentine's Day true love is from the heart. Our feelings & emotions belong to God and we can only grow in this love day by day and learn to love others more each day. -NancyI have struggled with Valentine's Day all my adult life, even to the point of rejecting everything it stands for. I have received no gifts, nice gifts, cards only and even gifts that were designed for the giver to enjoy, instead of me. All were in the name of 'being forced to give', because someone came up with this ridiculous notion that pressures most into buying some token of 'love', or else they will look like a schmuck to all those around!! When I was a kid, it was fun to give & receive valentine cards, but as an adult, it is more like torture to me. In my opinion, it my spouse or loved one does not take the time to express the love/appreciation they have for me throughout the year, I find it very lock-luster and impersonal to receive that kind of attention on Valentine's Day just because Hallmark says so. I get so annoyed when women are mad because their man didn't get them what they expected. As I write this, I feel pressure to buy a card for my husband, because he likes Valentine's Day. He even gave me a gift of jewelry 5 days before Valentine's Day, so it couldn't be called a Valentine's present. In that his gesture is very sweet, trying to win me over to V-Day, I am much more impressed and overjoyed to get flowers or a card/gift on any given random day, as this is a more genuine sign that he appreciates me and wants me to know it. I gave out V-Day candy today of my own free will, without pressure, but if it hadn't been on the shelf at the store suggest- ing I participate, I'm not sure that I would have. - Jana Grika 

Every person at KCCC that I have met has been very nice to me I just wanted to show that I do appreciate the opportunity to have worked with such sweet people. This is the kind of  work environment that I have always wanted to work in. Valentine's Day  is a day of love for friends and family. I like make people feel special on an everyday basis. I gave out candy bags at work because I like and love each and everyone of you & want you all to know that even if you already know that God love you as well! Happy Valentine's Day. Hope the candy bags put a smile on your face today.

-Katina Walker      

    Valentine's Day for me this year just happens to be another Tuesday in a long year of Tuesdays which are quite a drag after Mondays and it just doesn't get much more special than that! I'm sure the concept seems nice of having a day to be spoiled by love & affection and not to mention expensive gifts. But it's really just an excuse to demand attention, falsify cheap romance & eat too much chocolate. Valentine's Day is really overrated & cliche & it shouldn't represent a day of love but a day of false hope & pretenses. If you love me, show it always, don't wait till the 'one' day of the year to prove it the same way millions of other are doing it. Buy me chocolates when I'm PMSing..that's sweet. Bring me flowers just cause it's Thursday. Buy me pretty jewelry because you know I deserve it. Run me a bubble bath & rub my back & feet every night I work long & hard. Take me out to dinner cause we're hungry. Leave me love notes when you actually feel'em. Surprise me on days I don't expect it, cause that's how I know. So it's Tuesday, which means tomorrow is Wednesday. I will still watch my movie, make dinner & eat my chocolate. But I do that every day :) -Anonymous


Valentine's Day is bull crap. I mean ppl buy gifts nd stuff jus cuz they supposed to. I mean who really knows what Valentine's Day is about, like why we actually celebrate it nd y it's a day? If you really love someone u wouldn't need a specific day jus to express that. And then some women take it all overboard expecting a gift. To me Valentine's Day is jus like Christmas, it's lost it's meaning, it's not about the gifts it's about being with the one u love and barely anyone in this society takes the time to really think about that. It's like Valentine's Day is more of a habitual celebration opposed to a sentimental and heartfelt thing which is what it should be. I get the girl I love presents just because or because she has had a bad day or something, it's to show I care nd that I'm thinking about her not because it's expected of me or because it's what im supposed to do.        -Malik


What Valentine's Day means to me is very simple. It's knowing that every year I will get a card & gift from one of my favorite stores from my DAD! Yes, my Dad. He does this every year, but for some reason it is stil always a surprise to me & makes me fell very special. I mean I know that he loves me, he shows it all the time. But, I guess it's something special that he doesn't consider my mom as the only person he has to show how much he loves them. On this day we celebrate our love for that special someone. :) -Tiffany B. Henderson


So, there you have it..."love-hate" Valentine thoughts. As to  me, what I learned on this quest is that not 'one' thing has to mean the same to all.  Here you had a day  that supposedly is about 'Love' and not everyone perceives it as so.  Me... well, I am an old romantic fool! My heart believes in that one true love that comes but once in a lifetime. The kind of love that leaves you breathless and makes you grow wings on your heels when kissed. The kinda love that speaks volume with a simplest of touch or ever so gentle smile. Yep, ever since a little girl I've longed for that kind of love...even thought I'd found it once. So to me to me, Valentine's Day is a day for hopes & dreams!
   -SimplyyMayra