September 6, 2014

Aloneness is Really Just an Illusion...

Have you ever felt alone although you're surrounded by many people?  Lonely even with good friends, children, family and maybe a spouse in your life?  I have!  I don't feel it all the time. But have felt it enough times to know when its poisonous claws are coming at me.  Yes! Poisonous to the soul.

There have been times it has clawed me into a vast space of oblivion where time stands still and all is forgotten.  It seems easier that space.  So when that feeling comes over you to take you there, it seems easier to surrender to it rather than to resist it because you feel all alone.  Feel me?

Well, I'm here to tell ya it's all a lie!  The claws are a lie!  That space is a lie!  The feeling of "aloneness" is all a lie!  You are not alone!  I am not alone!

One day in a moment of despair and hopelessness I raised my eyes up to the sky and realized my only hope is God's love for me.  He and ONLY He loves and accepts me just as I am!  He and ONLY He is always with me!  I no longer have to feel...all alone! You no longer have to feel...all alone!
Let me share a little story with you.  An experience.  An enlightenment.  Early this morning as my youngest daughter (whom I hardly get to see anymore) kissed me good-bye for the day, I felt the claws of poison clawing its way towards me.  I felt the tears welling up inside of me ready to pour and give power to this tortuous force of "aloneness" that persists on taking over me.  I was ready to give in and surrender to it, but this time I fought back and turned to Him.  I grabbed this little blue book I've been reading, Jesus Today, and here is what He had to say to me today:

     "YOU ARE IN ME, AND I AM IN YOU. THIS IS A profound mystery.  I am the infinite Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe.  You are a finite, fallen human being.  Yet you and I live not just with each other but as in other.  You are filled with My divine Presence.  This is a deeper, fuller union than you can find in any human relationship.  Even people who have been married many decades cannot know all the thoughts and feelings of their spouse.  But I know everything about you--your deepest thoughts and feelings to the events you will encounter tomorrow.  For My children, aloneness is really just an illusion.  The whole world is alive with My vibrant Presence!
     In Me you live and move and have your being.  Every step you take, every word you speak, every breath you breathe--all is done in My watchful, embracing Presence.  You are totally immersed in My invisible yet ever-so-real Being!  The more aware of Me you are, the more alive and complete you will feel. Your union with Me makes every moment of your life meaningful."

Coincidence?  Not!!!  That is why I have embarked on a journey of establishing a personal relationship with the greatest man that has ever lived...Jesus.  I will be chronicling my experiences along the way in hopes that the stories I share will provoke a chain reaction of inspiration, self-awareness, spiritual awakening, faith and empowerment through God Jesus.  I will share the good, the bad and the ugly of past and present experiences only to discover...He was always there!  He will always be there!  I always did enjoy a good mystery and He truly is a great mystery indeed.  I hope you join me in my journey as His mystery unfolds.

~photos used are by Alexandra Cameron 

September 2, 2014

Feeling Hopeful

I AM SOVEREIGN, AND I AM GOOD. These are essential truths about who I am. When you are struggling with the brokenness of this world, it can be a challenge to believe both truths simultaneously. Because I am Sovereign, I am ultimately in control of everything that happens--to you and to others. This knowledge is sometimes hard to swallow, especially in the face of atrocities or catastrophes. Amid such carnage, many people conclude that only a cruel God could be overseeing a world like this. Let me assure you that I am absolutely Good. I am pure Light, and there is not an iota of darkness in Me. My absolute Goodness in the face of so much evil is totally beyond your understanding. When you are struggling with these mysteries, come to Me. Express yourself freely to Me, trusting that I care and understand. Then, subordinate your finite mind to My infinite intelligence, My Sovereign ways. Relinquish your demand to understand, and rest in My compassionate Presence. Cling to Me in childlike trust, believing that My way--though mysterious--is perfect. (from the book Jesus Today by Sarah Young) — feeling hopeful.

June 1, 2014

Random Page from a Journal...

She's been thinking a lot about her life and what direction she should take or it should take. 
She's been there before. You know...a crossroad.

She's a beautiful, free-spirited middle-aged woman.  Widowed, single, no partner.  
Gorgeous, healthy, independent daughters with a life of their own.
Searching to find their own place in the world.
A life too busy for their mother.

Estranged siblings who all live in different states.  Healing.
Adorable grand children she worries about, but is blessed to see when ever she wishes.

She thinks of her life.  She meditates.  She prays about it.  
Yet at times feels she cannot move forward.
At times she wonders if she is doing all she can to live a good life.
"What defines a good life anyway?" she ponders.

At times she feels her life is good just as it is.  And at times she feels it isn't.  
At times she feels happy.  Other times she feels sad.

But always she feels blessed.
She craves to know the best of who she is even when she's feeling stagnate.
She watched a movie the other day...How Do You Know.
And it was a good movie.

A love story in many ways.  
Love between friends, parents and couples.

She learned two things from watching this movie.
Two things resonating with her soul.

That you could be a small boat in the midst of a horrible ocean storm.
But if that boat represents truth and honesty, then you'll be alright.
And that we are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.
She sighs.  She breathes.  She smiles.  She's Siela.  Black Butterfly.

May 26, 2014

Lucy, I'm Home...


I'll make this sweet and short.  I needed a break.  Took it.  Encountered some challenges along the way but faced them head on.  Am back now.

Sometimes you wither inside, whether you want to or not.
A familiar place, like you're in the right spot.
Stagnate you stay wondering why.
Knowing somehow you will get by.
Black Butterfly.
~Mayra A 

P.S...Missed y'all
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