A few mornings ago, at precisely 3:50 in the morning (I looked at the alarm clock), I was abruptedly awakened by this undefinable sense to rise wide-eyed prompting me to go and embrace my artwork. I believe these "undefinable" senses to be divine whispers alerting and guiding us through the journey of life. I do not know how many times I have re-written this very post that has been a draft for a few weeks now. Within my mind there was a battle between should I or shouldn't I? or Am I ready?
I have decided to reflect, reconnect and randomly introduce vast pieces of artwork I created during this period of darkness. I'm hoping each piece in its own uniqueness gives a glimpse of a lost soul wandering through the delirium darkness of hell and at the end collectively tell a story of the courage, perseverence and fighting heart of a spirit who found its way back home through the clutches of its undying faith in God and the undying love of 3 precious treasures. Collectively I will call this artwork...My Darkness Collection. I honestly do not know what my reflecting and re-connecting with these pieces after so many years will bring to my life, what I do know and feel is that it is something I must do to honor my soul embracing my journey of self-love and acceptance.
I will begin with a sketch. A sketch that represents a turning point in my life of darkness. It is a sketch of a woman with book on lap and pencil in hand. I was already living in Kansas and was over my sister Zara's house when suddenly this petulant hungry urge to sketch devoured me senseless. So I surrendered to it and remembered sitting on the bedroom floor pondering upon what to sketch as I scoped the room in hopes of finding inspiration as well as grabbing back hold of myself from the grips of this persistent urge. Silence swallowed her home that day. I sat there quietly on the floor when suddenly to my surprise I noticed what was right in front of me. I was sitting right in front of this very large mirror leaning against the wall. I tell no lie when I say this mirror was so large I could see my entire reflection sitting right in front of me. I found myself just sitting there staring at these dark deepened sad eyes staring back at me. It felt awkward at first, but our gaze interlocked for a moment and suddenly there it was! I saw it! A reflection! I saw her! I saw me! Instictively, the pencil in hand began to move on the book on lap and the hungry urge subsided as the movements of my drawing hand sketched an image of this reflection...an image of ME! An image of ME...sketching ME! Thus, through the depths of them dark deepened sad eyes emerged...
A Reflection of Me