June 30, 2012

Suddenly there it was! I Saw it! A Reflection!

Bit by bit, I've been trying to come to terms of how or should I even introduce a vast collection of my artwork that emerged during a very rough and challenging time in my life.  When I think back to it, rough is stating it lightly.  Those who know me or those who perhaps have read thru my blog, know I refer to this time as....My Darkness.   

A few mornings ago, at precisely 3:50 in the morning (I looked at the alarm clock), I was abruptedly awakened by this undefinable sense to rise wide-eyed prompting me to go and embrace my artwork.  I believe these "undefinable" senses to be divine whispers alerting and guiding us through the journey of life.  I do not know how many times I have re-written this very post that has been a draft for a few weeks now.  Within my mind there was a battle between should I or shouldn't I? or Am I ready?  I guess NO, actually I know that I should!  I know that I should for ME!  I know I am ready and I will trust this whisper and take a leap of faith and embrace the whole of me in its entirety...including my darkness.  There is nothing to be ashamed of as it was my journey here to who I am today.


I have decided to reflect, reconnect and randomly introduce vast pieces of artwork I created during this period of darkness.   I'm hoping each piece in its own uniqueness gives a glimpse of a lost soul wandering through the delirium darkness of hell and  at the end collectively tell a story of the courage, perseverence and fighting heart of a spirit who found its way back home through the clutches of its undying faith in God and the undying love of 3  precious treasures.  Collectively I will call this artwork...My Darkness Collection.  I honestly do not know what my reflecting and re-connecting with these pieces after so many years will bring to my life, what I do know and feel is that it is something I must do to honor my soul embracing my journey of self-love and acceptance.  


I will begin with a sketch.  A sketch that represents a turning point in my life of darkness.  It is a sketch of a woman with book on lap and pencil in hand.  I was already living in Kansas and was over my sister Zara's house when suddenly this petulant hungry urge to sketch devoured me senseless.  So I surrendered to it and remembered sitting on the bedroom floor pondering upon what to sketch as I scoped the room in hopes of finding inspiration as well as grabbing back hold of myself from the grips of this persistent urge.  Silence swallowed her home that day.  I sat there quietly on the floor when suddenly to my surprise I noticed what was right in front of me.  I was sitting right in front of this very large mirror leaning against the wall.  I tell no lie when I say this mirror was so large I could see my entire reflection sitting right in front of me.  I found myself just sitting there staring at these dark deepened sad eyes staring back at me.   It felt awkward at first, but our gaze interlocked for a moment and suddenly there it was!  I saw it!  A reflection!  I saw her!  I saw me! Instictively, the pencil in hand began to move on the book on lap and the hungry urge subsided as the movements of my drawing hand sketched an image of this reflection...an image of ME!  An image of ME...sketching ME!  Thus, through the depths of them dark deepened sad eyes emerged...

A Reflection of Me

I will continue to randomly post my reflections on the pieces of My Darkness Collection.  As always thank you for stopping by!  Keep coming back for more of to...Inspire and be Inpsired!

Tootles!

13 comments:

  1. Love your sketch & look forward to getting surprised with your future random post's. I'm intrigued because the way you speak now in present demonstrates opposite of darkness. I would love to follow how far you've come! :) patiently waiting....

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    1. Gracias mi amorcito...I am intrigued myself. Thanks for believing in me! Love you to infinity and beyond! :*

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  2. I am absolutely awed at this post and how deeply it reflects a period in my own life that was similar - a deep darkness, as well as a creative period. Of course, mine was during my adolescence, so it was a bit different, but I find myself connecting to your post all the same.
    Okay. This comment might seem like a bit of an essay at some point - I'm just going to warn you now, so you'll be good and ready, mmkay? (:
    I put "darkness" and "creative" in the same sentence for a reason. In my spiritual path, I believe deeply that all creative processes originate in the womb - at a purely biological level, that area is where ideas and new beginnings gestate and get ready to be put into the world. It is a place of both death AND life - at the very moment an egg is dying and is being shoved out of the womb, the ovaries are already cultivating a new egg to be released, alive. It's the ultimate in-between place, where death and birth go hand in hand thus, darkness and creativity. In your darkness, you were drawn to self-expression through art because of the deep ideas festering in your womb (festering meant in a good way). I once heard a quote - if you know where it comes from, feel free to point out the source - that basically said that life is like a bow and arrow - in order for the arrow to shoot forward, it must be first pulled back. Your life, your womb, during this darkness, was in the moment of pulling back at the time you were being called to create this art. Although you felt in a bad place, it was in fact a place of great creative tension - the world was holding its breath for you, waiting for the right moment to let go of the arrow and send it shooting forward. The breath holding, I'm sure, felt as though it would last forever - but it didn't. The world let go of the arrow and sent it shooting through the air.
    And now, the arrow is hovering in the air, shooting forward. I have a feeling that it hasn't reached the target yet - but it's getting there. This is why you woke in the early morning and felt called to embrace your artwork and to let it out, steadily, into the world. Because your arrow is shooting forward, and you can feel it. The time of gestation and darkness and lying in creative wait in the womb is over, and your life is propelling forward joyfully.
    I don't know where all that came from - whew! *wipes brow* I just got so excited while I read this, and I knew what I had to say. Darkness heralds a new beginning. What seems like the end, is really only the prologue. Your creative soul used your darkness to express itself, and then allowed life to let go of the arrow.
    Brightest blessings onto you, dearest! I know your life will continue to herald amazing things - and I can't wait to see the rest of your artwork!

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    1. Rebecca, I am thankful you listened and said what you knew you had to say. In doing so, it touched my heart and soul in a way that made sense leaving me in tears that turned to joy! The only way I can really explain what your message brought to me, is comparing it to "dotting the line", its like I see the dots connecting, sorta like a puzzle being completed with a missing piece. I am both grateful and thankful for you taking the time to stop by, read my post and leave such an inspiring and powerful message. I appreciate YOU!

      I realize I was limited in sharing my experience of my darkness thereby I'd like to bring forward your comment..."Of course, mine was during my adolescence, so it was a bit different, but I find myself connecting to your post all the same." In keeping to MY truth and taking a step forward, I want to clarify that I too was an adolescent when my darkness began...I was 12; which perhaps may be why you found yourself connecting to my post all the same. Once gain, thank you!

      ~SimplyyMayra

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  3. I am so confused - I don't know if my comments are posting or not. I just wrote a huge long comment replying to this post, and when I pressed "publish," the page reloaded, but I saw no indication that the comment had been published. D: sad face!
    Anywho, in case this one publishes instead, I just wanted to say that I totally resonated with this post! It brings up the fact that within darkness, light is found (to be cliche). Darkness and creativity go hand in hand - like a bow and arrow, the arrow has to be pulled back in order to send it propelling forward. Your creative soul used your darkness to express itself, and is now allowing that expression to be propelled forward! I know that there are so many wonderfully bright and amazing things in your future, dearest. I can't wait to see the rest of your artwork!

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    1. No need to be confused - Your inspiring message was successfully received upon your pressing "publish". So put back your beautiful happy face! ;)

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  4. Oh Mayra, I totally get it. I would guess that my art is music, that's where I go for refuge. I think subconsciously, your post led me to write mine about my depression. I just felt like I didn't want to blame myself anymore. So writing it out was very therapeutic; I had to be very clear in my words to try and get the jumbled mess in my head out. Kind of like your drawings? Something comes out in your art that can't come out in words?

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    1. Stephanie, you should be proud for expressing yourself and NOT wanting to blame yourself anymore...it is NOT your fault. Your intention was to help NOT hurt! But, I know very well how "guilt" can get the best of us, so I am happy that you wrote and that it turned out to be very therapeutic for you...YOU are courageous and I applaude you for that! I understand exactly what you mean about having to be very clear in your words, I think thats where I'm having the problem...in my case I was the victim and I was 12. But step by step I am going forward for ME! YOU have given me a "boost" of courage to do so! Thanks again :)

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  5. After the several hints and pushes you gave me to read this post, I finally did lol and am really glad about it too. I have always taken in the advice you share but never exactly knew how to voice it. The comments above really clicked something in my soul. Thanks for the posts, and for all the feedback! Your Youngest.

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    1. Glad you got something out of it mi amorcito. Love you! Keep coming back for more inspiration...

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  6. I appreciate all of your posta and comments! Thank you mi li'l sis! You are GENUINE! I am also thankful for the posts and comments of your bloggers! Your posts and comments had been and is continuing to bless me in a huge way! My heart has opened to unfamiliar feelings. Feelings that I am not use to feel, (truthfuly though forgatten feelings). It is bringing me back to my ORIGIN. To live life as ME, Zara! The way I could explain it is like this; It is like an open window that when you reach out and breath in that fresh of cool early morning and late evening fall breez caressing your face that suddenly pulls you in-to a sate of hypnotsm that makes your eyes shut unwillingly and you sigh an AUH of wellness all over! I am so blessed to have you as my li'l sis! Thank you for never giving up on your DREAMS! And also thank you for never giving up on me and I know that you will never give up on me! Thank you for your KIND HEART, LOVE, PATIENCE,(lots of it I may say) and UNDERSTANDING! But most of all thank you for just being simplyymayra! (GENUINE) Keep on a rolling girl! I LOVE YOU!

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    1. Awww big sis your kind words have touched my heart! YOU are an amazing beautiful soul...doubt that no more. Keep pursuing your dreams and dream BIG! I love you too! Tootles!

      ~SimplyyMayra

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  7. Hey! I could have sworn I've been to this blog before but after checking through some of the post I realized it's new to
    me. Anyhow, I'm definitely happy I found it and I'll be book-marking and checking back frequently!


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