May 29, 2012

A Bitter-Sweet True Love Story

I have clouded memories of my childhood, so when I think back of my favorite things to do as a child, I'd have to say reading!  I loved books then, I love books now.  It was amazing to me how words could one day transport me to other parts of the world, especially exotic places like Greece or Paris and another day running through a dark alley hiding from a serial killer who's chasing me!  The genres I enjoyed most were Mystery, Thriller or Action.  I enjoyed crime-fiction, detective stories with whodunit plots.  But, by far my favorite genre was Romance; stories of true love conquers all.  I think I even got to own the whole Harlequin Romance series!  I'd finish one book and pick up another just as fast.  I loved castles and princesses and remember daydreams of prince charming and knight in shining armours.  I believe I was born an old romantic fool and I will always be's in my blood.

Although I do believe that one can love more than once, in my heart of all hearts, I truly believe in that one special love that comes but once in a lifetime.  You know, the kind of love that melts your heart to the warm heat of that never-ending first kiss.  Ahhh, that gentle warm kiss igniting your soul into a burst of burning desire for more. (deep deep sigh). Yea you know the one, that kiss that makes your feet grow wings leaving you so delusional you'd swear you floated in air. See what I mean?  I'm just an old romantic fool!  Once upon a time I thought I was lucky enough to have found this once in a lifetime kinda love, turns out it wasn't after all, but that's a whole other post.   

Vicky Burch
Anyway, that is why when Vicky came by my cubicle one early morning in March, with tears in her eyes, I couldn't help but be touched by her untold love story.  The deep sadden eyes and the tone of her voice as she expressed how it was the anniversary of his death, his would-be 58th birthday as well as the never-got-to-share 40th wedding anniversary all within days apart, clearly reflected someone in need of being heard.  So, I complied.  I listened and I was inspired! Thus, the interview...

Q:   How many years since the loss of your beloved husband?

A:   6 1/2 years now

Q:  How did he pass?

A:  It's hard for me to say because he was hurting before he went, but it was a series of unfortunate events that finally took him from me.  He worked as a plumber and one day he was on site at a hospital bracing a beam in the ceiling.  During this task, the brace broke leaving him to hold the heavy beam with his arm for at least ten minutes before help arrived.  As a result of this, he injured his arm forcing him into disability as well as requiring a prolonged regimen of multiple medications.   Five years later, he suffered a stroke.  I was told that most likely the combination of the multiple prescription drugs and prolonged use of the medications is what caused my late husband to suffer a stroke. Consequently, it ended up shutting-down four of his major organs leading to his death.

Q:  How did you deal with his death?

A:  In a way I was relieved to see the pain off of his face, but I did have to make a very difficult decision that day.  I had kept him up for 24 hours on life support before I finally let him go.  Coincidentally, about two weeks prior, he and I had discussed the option of life support and he expressed he did not want to be kept on life support should there be no brain activity.  So, I ordered the brain test, although I already knew he was gone.  I felt it!   The test results came back negative for brain activity.  This made me very sad, but I knew he was suffering no more.

Q:  How did you feel?

A:  I sat there, and I felt like my heart had broken in two.  It's funny because that day I related most to a refrigerator magnet.  There was a pair of heart magnets we hung on the fridge door, that we had bought for each other long ago.  Ironically that day the heart fell and broke in two pieces!  And that was exactly how my heart felt that day!  I picked up the pieces and taped it back this day I still have it.

Q:  The day you came to my cubicle telling me it was the anniversary of his death, can you tell me of your emotions of that day?        

A:   March 20th would have been Chet's 58th birthday. On the 21st we would have been celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.  I was very sad and depressed over the days, thinking about it.  But, at the same time I was very thankful and glad for all the wonderful memories we shared with our love and 33 years together.  I teared up several times throughout both days, missing him very much.

Q:  How did all the emotions of that day affect you?

A:   I turned down an invitation to dinner that evening just to be by myself.  After work, I bought a dozen red roses and two balloons.  One said "Happy Birthday, the other had a red heart on it and said "All My Love".  I went to the cemetery afterwards and laid down the roses in the shape of a heart on the ground in front of our headstone which holds a picture of he in I in our younger years.  I also always catch him up on what is new and what is going on with our family.  I told him how much I miss him.  I also tell him all of the love I still feel for him and always will.  I never leave without telling him that I will Love him forever and ever, and I Love him "Whole Bunchies".  That was our favorite saying to each other.  Then I went home and called up both of my sons to see how they were doing.  They have been a great strength for me.

Q:  Vicky, are you presently in a relationship?

A:   Yes, I am with a wonderful man named Michael.  We have been dating for over a year now.  He is the first guy I dated since I was 16 years old.  I was shy with him at first with my feelings, but have now opened them up and shared them with him.  The love is given both ways, he always says "It takes two".

Q:  Did you share with Michael your emotions on the anniversary of your late husband's death?

A:   I did share these emotions with Mike.

Q:  What was his reaction?

A:   He called me later in the evening and he could tell I was upset and had been crying.  I told him about going to the cemetery, reflecting that it would have been a special anniversary this year.  He said that was very nice of me to have taken flowers out to the grave site and spent time with him.  He said "I hope someone cares about me that much when I am gone".  He tried to cheer me up and he understood why I wanted the time by myself that evening.  He did get me to laugh and feel better by the time we hung up.  I was smiling by the time I went to bed reflecting on the love I had with my first True Love and the Love I now have for Mike, thinking how blessed I was.

Q:  How do you feel about Mike's reaction to your emotions of that day?

A:  I am glad he is very understanding when I talk about my late husband.  He shared with me that he gets jealous, but knows he can't come back to me.  He has never said anything negative about it.  He was very thoughtful getting me into a better mood.

Q:  Any guilt derived on still having feelings for your late husband while in a relationship with Mike?

A:  I don't feel guilty now when I am happy and feeling good about things.  I went through years of changing emotions and feeling guilty like I was betraying him when I was enjoying myself.  I didn't know how you could feel happy, excited, angry, frustrated and sad all at the same time.  But, as time went on I realized that is what made me who I am.  I remember going to the cemetery and sitting there crying for hours when I told Chet I was going on with my life and was going to start dating.  That was right before the 5th anniversary of his death.  I also remembered that he had told me just a couple of weeks before he died, that if he died first, he wanted me to go on with my life and get married again.

Q:  Do you feel these emotions you undoubtedly still have for your late husband, may or do, affect your present relationship with Mike?

A:  I feel that we have a great relationship filled with Love and Trust.  We have an open and honest relationship, discussing things in the past and talking about the future.

Q:  Vicky, if the world were listening right now, what would you say to anyone out there who may be in the same situation as you?

A:  Trust your heart!  I felt like mine had broken in half and I felt like I lost half of myself when I lost him.  You go through a lot of emotions when you lose your True Love.  Time helps you heal.  Be sure of yourself and who you are and what you are capable of before you date.  I had to do this for myself and feel good about ME before I could share.

Q:  Is there anything you miss from the relationship you shared with your late husband?

A:   Everything.  I miss snuggling with him, we always fell asleep in each others arms every night.  I miss all the little things he did for me.  I miss being told "I Love You" with every phone call leaving for work or returning home, especially each night before I went to sleep.  I miss seeing the sunrises and sunsets together.  I was very connected to him psychically so, that every time he would go fishing he'd ask me if I could guess how many fish he caught an I'd guess it right almost every time!  It was like the number just jumped into my thoughts.  We always laughed about it together.

Q:  Does the heart really go on Vicky?  Do you really never forget that one True Love?

A:  Your heart does go on.  Your loss  hurts alot and you just want to shut everything out of your life.  Don't stop loving everyone else you have in your life.  You need to be part of their lives too.  You still need to be mom, grandma, sister, friend and a daughter.  They will help you get through this.  The one thing that helped me the most was the Lord.  Going back to church on a regular basis, when I had not been in years.  I will never forget my True Love and all of what we had!  I will Love him forever.  My feelings are not any less for him even though he has departed.  I know we will share eternity together. 

Q:  Vicky, one last question I ask almost everyone I interview...If money were non-existent and the Universe provided ALL of the needs for one to live comfortably, how would you spend your days?

A:  I would live life to the fullest every day.  Live it like you may die tomorrow.  Experience new things, I would love to travel and see the world.  I would love to spend each day watching the sunrise and sunsets.  It would be nice to spend each day like the special times spent around the Holidays, where family gets together to have a good time and create good memories with each other.

Vicky's story, although sad, acknowledges with definite assurance that the heart does go on!  More importantly that only Love is real.  Her story has only strengthen, in my heart of all hearts, the belief in that one special love that comes but once in a lifetime!  I want to express my deepest gratitude to Vicky for her courage in opening up the doors of her heart and allowing us in. 

Do you believe in True Love?  Do you have a once in a life time Love story you'd like to share?   As, always keep coming back for more Inspire and be Inspired!



  1. Stopping by from BBN, just to give you a little comment love!!
    And of course I believe in true love - what would life be like without it??

    1. I agree! Love is what makes the world go around! Thanks for the comment love Alyx! I really appreciate YOU! You're thoughts & views thru BBN have been very helpful. Looking forward to more :)

  2. Omg I have cried the whole way through. I too can relate to losing someone that I held very close to heart. All though i'm through it & married now for almost 7yrs I still think about these moments.... (sigh) i'm so happy that Vicky had been able to share love again! Lots of warmth being send your way!


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